I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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