First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
