census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Randomize
