forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
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