And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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