How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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