I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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