bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
