i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Randomize
