dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
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