did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
