i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
