I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
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