i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize