He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
