it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize
