Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
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