I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
