If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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