i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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