I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Randomize
