I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
