Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
