Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
