So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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