My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
