Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize