I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Randomize
