i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I just had sex on a roof
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
