Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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