ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Randomize
