I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
