normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Randomize
