tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
