I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
