there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
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