If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
