No stitches, just platelets and will power
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
