sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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