when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Randomize
