Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
