Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
