a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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