So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Randomize
