her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
