is your mom at the bar?
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
