I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
