Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
