Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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