I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
