me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
