The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
