gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
