He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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