I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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