So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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