why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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