i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
