New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
