She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Randomize
