You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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