It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
