Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
