Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
