This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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