People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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