Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
