I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
either way he was missing a nipple.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
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