Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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