So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
