My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
