do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Randomize
