you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
