my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
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