Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
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