did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
